How to Start Embracing Loneliness

5 Steps to Embracing Your Loneliness

Loneliness is something most people try to avoid. But being alone is an inevitable part of life. It happens to everyone at some time or another. It is important to be able to separate solitude from loneliness and to understand what is behind your feelings so you can embrace being alone.

1. Work Out the Root Cause of Your Fear of Loneliness

Some scientists believe loneliness is a basic emotion on a par with fear and anger. For millions of years, survival relied on being part of a group; being alone was risky. But now, a fear of loneliness can keep us in toxic relationships, unfulfilling jobs, and bad marriages. Identify what’s behind your fear of loneliness, and you can start to work on it. 

2. Learn to Understand your Loneliness

Loneliness comes in many different guises. It can be temporary situational loneliness where you find yourself without company or help. Or you can be going through a life crisis that results in more extended social isolation. A relationship breakdown, losing your job, or being seriously ill can all make you feel completely cut off from love and support. 

3. Appreciate Solitude

Solitude is quite a different state from loneliness. Artists, philosophers, and writers over the centuries have sought out solitude to think deeply and widely and to create their best work. Solitude can be a comfort in an overcrowded life. When you are by yourself, you can expand into being your true self. 

4. Confront your Deepest Fears

Loneliness can be a product of the fundamental fear of separation that goes back to infancy. Separation means being vulnerable, having no one to rely on except yourself. This is the loneliness that realizes that in the end, there is nothing between you and the stars, no one to rescue you. That sort of existential fear can be scary. What are your deepest fears about being lonely? Identify them, acknowledge them, and take away some of their power over you.  

5. Use Self-Actualizing Practices to Overcome Loneliness

Techniques like yoga, tai chi, and meditation can help you reconnect with your deepest self. Sitting alone in meditation separates you from the negative thought spirals and feelings that can make you feel so miserable. 

A loving-kindness meditation practice can help you replace feelings of separation with feelings of love and connection. Give it a try:

Sit quietly and focus on your breath. 

Breathe in, think ‘May I be happy.’

Breathe out, think ‘May I be loved.’

Breathe in, think ‘May all my suffering be healed.’

Breathe out, think ‘May I be at peace.’

Eventually, repeat the mantra, thinking of people who may be lonely at this time, replacing ‘I’ with ‘you.’

Finish by sending positive thoughts to all beings and repeating ‘May all beings be happy. May all beings be loved. May the suffering of all beings be healed. May all beings be at peace.’

This simple practice helps you feel connected to all of life whenever you do it.

Make Sure Loneliness Doesn’t Turn into Depression

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. It’s a normal part of the human experience. But some people are more vulnerable to slipping from loneliness into depression. Or there can be hard times in your life when feeling lonely is only one step away from isolation and depression. 

People who are at risk of depression typically feel isolated and lonely; they have low self-esteem that can easily tip into more extreme feelings of self-blame and guilt, even self-disgust. And these negative thought patterns can lead to full-blown depression. If you’re having bad feelings about yourself, feeling lonely and worthless, here are some things you can do to head off the risk of depression. 

Boost Your Social Support Network

Isolation increases the tendency to self-blame. Connection and social contact can go a long way to helping you alleviate your loneliness and get a different perspective on the world. Reach out to friends, colleagues, and family to increase the positive connections in your life. 

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you deal with what is in front of you right now. Developing a mindfulness practice can help you accept your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Simply observing what is happening around you, focusing on what you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste will help you break out of your negative thought patterns. 

Practice Self-compassion

People who are caught up in feelings of negative self-worth are often extremely hard on themselves. Allow yourself a little imperfection. Be kind and change that internal monologue to one less punitive. 

Change Your Self-talk

Have a look at your internal soundtrack. Are you full of self-recrimination? Do you magnify your flaws and faults? Now, would you talk to a friend like that? Rewrite that script into something more positive and self-affirming. If that is too hard to think about right now, try some of the books, apps, or websites that offer affirmations.

Use Emotional Reappraisal to Boost Your Self-esteem

With a little practice, you can learn techniques to regulate your feelings and turn your self-esteem around. Depression often manifests in ruminating on the negatives in your life. You can use this focus to your advantage when you practice reappraisal.

Reappraisal is a cognitive-behavioral technique that allows you to reframe negative thoughts, flipping them to a more positive view. Instead of feeling paralyzed and crushed by life, you can take back control and develop more resilience. 

7 Types of Loneliness According to Psychologists

Loneliness is something you can’t avoid in life. There will be times when you feel lonesome, and you can live a happier life if you learn how to deal with it when it happens. To make that an easier process, psychologists have identified seven different types of loneliness.

1. ‘New Kid’ Loneliness

Like being the new kid at school, there are times in your life when you’re in a completely new situation. Whether it’s a new job, a new city, or a new school, you’re likely to feel lonely in the beginning.

2. Not Fitting in Loneliness

This is the loneliness that strikes when you feel different from the people around you. You may be an introvert in a team of extroverts. Maybe your values aren’t shared with the people around you. You feel separate and different. 

3. Lack of Romance Loneliness

When you don’t have a partner, it can seem like everyone else in the entire world has a significant other. Or maybe you do have a partner, but you feel disconnected. That’s lonely. 

4. Missing a Pet Loneliness

There’s no company like that of your pet. Maybe you’re missing your dog, cat, or gerbil. Pets can provide a special connection, and when it’s not there, you really miss it. 

5. Too Busy for Me Loneliness

There are times in your life when it feels like you’re not a priority for anyone. People get busy with their own lives and leave you feeling stranded and alone. 

6. Toxic Fringes Loneliness

Worse than busy friends are toxic ‘friends’ who get their energy from belittling you or making you feel inadequate. If you don’t feel supported by your friends, or you feel you can’t really trust them, they are not good friends to have in your life. 

7. Lack of Company Loneliness

Sometimes loneliness can come simply from not having anyone to hang out with. Someone just to share space and be with. It doesn’t matter if you’re busy at work or are out partying every night. A lack of a quiet presence can make you feel deeply lonely. 

Once you’ve worked out what type of loneliness you’re feeling right now, you can take steps to address it. For example, if you’re missing having an animal in your life, you can adopt a pet or volunteer at the local animal rescue center. 

Make time in your life for meaningful relationships, not the ones that don’t feed your soul. Look for people you share values or interests with, and slowly you will make connections that will banish loneliness. 

Let me know in the comments have you ever embraced loneliness? Or maybe you were just thinking about it to get back in alignment with yourself, your mind, and/or your life.

Talk soon,

Andie 🙂